Golf Puns: Quick Quips To Pull Out On The Course

All golfers have one thing in common. They enjoy “dad jokes”, golf puns, and one-liners.

What is it about the game of golf that creates this type of humor? We have identified two reasons.

First, golf is so hard and frustrating that sometimes you have to laugh to stop from crying. The right golf pun can always get a chuckle from your group.

Second, golf takes a long time to play. You are on the course for 4-5 hours and you don’t always know your playing partners very well. A golf pun can be a great icebreaker.

How do you define a pun? Websters says “the usually humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound”.

Not all golf puns are funny. Below we try to provide you with our favorites and the ones you should probably avoid. Enjoy!

a golfer laughs at golf puns

Laugh, Don’t Cry – Golf Puns That Work!

We think these are pretty punny!

Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt!

The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”

I am the golf-father!

May the course be with you! Yoda the man!

Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.

I like big putts and I cannot lie. Sir Mix-a-Lot would be proud!

What does a golfer ask his wife to do? Talk birdie to me!

Golf is a lot like taxes…you go for the green and come out in the hole!

If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent tee ballot.

They see my putt rollin’, they hate it – they try to catch me ridin’ birdie!

A dog on a golf course goes, “Rough, rough.”

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers…They shoot a “six”, yell “fore” and write “five”.

Why didn’t the golfer say anything before he hit the ball off the tee? He was at a loss fore words.

Why isn’t golf played in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs.

It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.

Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.

“I’m really good at hitting my woods. Problem is, I can’t get the ball out of them!”

The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.

three golfers laugh together.

Swing And A Miss – Golf Puns To Avoid

Not all golf puns work. Here is a collection of the ones we wouldn’t repeat.

What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters? The chimpian!

Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf? On a golf corpse.

Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was working on his swing!

The golf of Mexico. The golf coast. Flying on a golf-stream jet.

Stop looking at my putt!

Computers are good at golf because they have a hard drive.

A friendly golfer is known as a social putter-fly.

Golfers stay away from cake because they might get a slice.

Golfers are scared of the Bogey-man!

It takes fore golfers to change a lightbulb.

A golfer’s favorite pasta is links-guine.

Did you hear about the two guys that met at a golf course? It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip!

What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.

What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.

I only hit two good balls today…when I stood on a rake!

Golf forth, and prosper.

Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Their fore-fathers!

Golf isn’t really my club of tea.

Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? In case they get a hole-in-one!

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

Two golfers laugh on a green

Not Golf Puns, But Great One-Liners!

These don’t meet the definition of a golf pun, but we still enjoy them.

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.

Why do golf announcers whisper? They don’t want to wake up the people watching!

Golf: a 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments

If your opponent can’t remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, odds are he had an eight!

A player asked his golf coach: “What is going wrong with my game?” The coach replied, “You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and after a week you need to buy some more!

Golfer: “I think I’ll go drown myself in that lake.” Caddie: “I don’t think you’ll keep your head down long enough.”

Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons? So you can’t see them laughing!

The higher a golfer’s handicap, the higher the chance of him telling you what you’re doing wrong!

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Fairway: An unfamiliar tract of closely mowed grass running from the tee to the green. Your ball is usually found to the left or right of it.

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.

Golf’s a hard game to figure out. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

How do you know you should be a golfer? You’re too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league.

The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off.

What’s one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age.

Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? All of them…. the flag can’t jump…

You Have Had Your Laugh – Now Let’s Fix Your Swing!

Photo of author
Ray has been playing golf for 35+ years, including being part of his High School and College golf teams. While he still enjoys playing in amateur tournaments, Ray now focuses on growing the game of golf through teaching and coaching. He has two sons that both play golf competitively and loves spending time watching them compete. Ray continues to play in local amateur golf events and currently has a +1 handicap.

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