How to Survive Being Hit in the Goolies

Day 177 without playing golf

(This courtesy of The WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook: Golf.)

“Goolies” is a Scottish term, used at St. Andrews and elsewhere, that refers to the “privates,” or the groin area.

1. Lie down immediately.
Do not walk around. Cover your private parts to shield the area from further injury (and embarrassment). Clutching yourself will probably be your natural reaction to being hit by a club head or ball.

2. Apply a cold pack to the injured area to reduce swelling.
Use ice in a bag or cloth, or a cold can of soda or beer. This will help reduce the swelling and the pain.

3. Do not apply too much pressure.
Extreme pressure may cause more pain.

4. If the pain is significant and does not subside within a few minutes, inspect the injury.
Remove your pants to get a better look at the swelling and check for any irregularities.

5. If the pain lasts more than an hour, or if the area is significantly bruised, seek medical attention.

The Armchair Golfer

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Neil Sagebiel

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