Golf Photographer Sets Off Apology Chain Reaction

A SIMPLE APOLOGY from a golf photographer to Tiger Woods for snapping a photo before impact has been pinpointed as the cause of an onslaught of apologies sweeping the golf world.

The exact order is uncertain, but sources seem to agree that an apology from Retief Goosen to Tiger Woods came next. When Woods informed Goosen that an apology was unnecessary, the South African reportedly called the world No. 1 the following day and apologized for apologizing.

Soon after, PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem apologized to corporate sponsors for Tiger’s season-ending injury.

Then Tiger-sponsor Nike got into the act when retired CEO Phil Knight apologized for controversial labor practices in the Far East factories where Nike shoes were made. The Nike founder also apologized for the “K” in his last name remaining silent through the years.

Wendy’s, a longtime corporate golf sponsor, also apologized, saying the Wendy’s 3 Tour Challenge wasn’t really that challenging.

Goosen wasn’t the only player to offer an apology. Phil Mickelson apologized to his fans for losing the 2006 U.S. Open at Winged Foot. Lefty also apologized to Butch Harmon and Callaway for not being able to hit more fairways.

A veteran PGA Tour caddie, who wished to remain anonymous, apologized for all the wrong yardages he had given to players since the 1980s.

The USGA apologized for the penal U.S. Open setups that have embarrassed the world’s best golfers over the last six decades. The organization retracted the apology later the same day.

From the broadcast booth, Dottie Pepper apologized for calling her terrier a “choking freaking dog” after a pet toy lodged in its throat.

Meanwhile, Johnny Miller apologized for his entire broadcast career. The two-time major winner also reportedly apologized to his pool boy for telling the young man he would never go very far in his pool-cleaning career with “that grip.”

−The Armchair Golfer

(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)