(Editor’s note: Robert Bruce of Game Under Repair has something he needs to get off his chest. Maybe you can relate.)
By Robert Bruce
Special to ARMCHAIR GOLF
THE DISTANCE EXAGGERATOR is pretty much a self-explanatory fellow. But I’ll give you an example.
You’re on a sharp dogleg left par-4 that measures about 350 yards. The fairway turns almost 90 degrees at the 100-yard marker. So you have a decision. Pop your drive 250 yards out there, or fly the tree line and get closer to the green.
Now, most of us know that holes aren’t measured as the crow flies. The measurements follow the fairway. So, theoretically, if one was to land the ball on this green, one would not have hit a 350-yard drive, no matter how great a drive it would be. The Distance Exaggerator, however, looks for any opportunity to inflate his ego. On the hole described above, this fellow lands his drive about 60 yards from the green—probably a nice drive of 270 yards. But, perhaps to compensate for poor self-esteem, the Distance Exaggerator adds 30-40 yards, at least, on every drive. So that 270-yard drive became a 310-yard drive simply because he’s within a pitch shot on a sharp dogleg par-4.
In his own mind, the Distance Exaggerator is one of the longest hitters at his club. After all, his friends the Mulligan Golfer and Golf Channel Guy tell him so. In reality, he pokes his Titleist out there about 260 on a career day, giving myself and Corey Pavin company in the fairway.
The problem with the Distance Exaggerator is that he actually makes club selections based on his faulty sense of distance. Last summer, I played in a scramble with a guy who actually thought he could hit his lob wedge 110 yards. The guy was probably a 20-25 handicap. He swung out of his shoes with a lob wedge! The ball didn’t even sniff the flag—or the green.
The Distance Exaggerator—much like the Golf Channel Guy—talks a big game. Golfers who can actually hit 300-yard drives have no need to talk about it. They are used to bombing the ball.
But the Distance Exaggerator is like the dude in high school who always bragged about all his lady friends, when, in reality, he was sitting at home alone on Friday night, playing World of Warcraft and wondering if that stale dutch oven in his sheets smells as bad as last Friday night’s offering.
Let’s be honest. You’re not hitting 300-yard drives, buddy. You’re not even close.
Robert Bruce is a full-time writer and part-time golf blogger in Nashville, Tennessee. Visit his golf blog at www.gameunderrepair.com.
(Image: Courtland/Flickr)
Pet peeve ? Not a chance ! This is your best friend !! This is the guy you stop by the ATM for before the round. This is the guy who buys you that new driver next year. 😀
HA! I enjoyed this. I'm going to have to agree entirely, definitely an annoyance. But that's what keeps it interesting, right?
I hear about the driving ability from a fellow golfer almost everytime I play.
It's like "the fish that got away" story. It happens so often that I just let the "egos" flow.
You are very right about the humble long driver though. I played a round of golf in an outing a few years back and was paired with a random golfer. He never said a word about long driving. Well, after a number of holes, I hit a particularly good drive.{for me, I estimated 260 yards} I felt pretty good about it.
When I set-up to hit my next shot, I noticed this golfer continuing to walk ahead. So, I stopped to verify my ball, and look for his ball. Well, I keep going quite a ways ahead, and turned to look back to where my ball lay, and couldn't see it anymore. Now, I know this drive of his was over 300yards, and was totally in amazement.
Later I commented to this humble driver, "You know, you should enter the long drive contest".
To which his only reply was " I did, I came in second!"
Thanks for chance to comment, I love the armchair golf blog.